New Releases

Colombiana is ten pounds of The Fifth Element in a five-pound bag. This violent flower is covered in Luc Besson's stench, but lacks the humor, heart, and wit that made his previous work such a hit. Co-written by Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, who also penned the screenplay for The Fifth Element (as well as The Karate Kid and Transporter 3), Colombiana is directed by Olivier Megaton (Transporter 3).

Zoe Saldana stars as Cataleya Restrepo, named for the unique orchids that grow only in her grandmother's village in Colombia. Forced to watch her parents' murder, young Cataleya escapes and makes her way to Chicago to live with her grandmother and uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis, The Last Airbender). There, she plots revenge on the drug lord who ruined her life, while her uncle trains her to be a stone-cold killer.

Like The Fifth Element, the characters in Columbiana are all driven by simple motivations. There is no complex plot, and there are no strong personalities to make this film  memorable. The action is decent, and in a few scenes the movie really shines with Cataleya's cat-burglar-ninja assasinations. Unfortunately, the initially intriguing setup fails in execution as any potential surprise is telegraphed with foreshadowing so excessive, the term needs to be redefined as foreblackholing. I'm no fan of loose threads, but Besson and Kamen could have at least tried to throw a few curveballs.

This summer has been crowded with remakes and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is no exception. Unfortunately, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is not really that exceptional either. I am not saying it's a bad film, but I am also not saying it's a great film either. The movie has interesting moments with an abundance of horror movie cliches thrown in.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is a remake of a 1973 made-for-television movie of the same name, directed by Troy Nixey with a script from Guillermo del Toro and Matthew Robbins. The story revolves around our protagonist Sally (10-year-old Bailee Madison), who is shipped off to live in a centuries-old estate with her father Alex (Guy Pearce) and stepmother Kim (Katie Holmes).

It doesn't take long for Sally to find out why you should be afraid of the dark. The estate is not inhabited by just Sally and her parents -- the estate's basement (more about that in minute) is also inhabited by creatures I would describe as gremlins. And these are not the cutesy mischievous gremlins we met in the 1984 Joe Dante film, these are nasty little creatures and you will be freaked out when they appear onscreen. You will be further freaked out when you see what ends these little creatures will go to in order to achieve their goal, harassing Sally.

I remember the delighted surprise of seeing the original Spy Kids with a friend one Sunday afternoon ten years ago. I didn't know who Robert Rodriguez was, didn't know much about the Austin film scene at all, but we'd heard the movie was fun even for grownups and gave it a try. It was a little silly with a few eye-rollingly juvenile jokes but much better than we'd expected. And the problem I've had subsequent Spy Kids movies has been that they simply don't measure up to the experience of the first.

Possibly if I were nine years old and hadn't watched any of the previous movies in the series, I might enjoy watching Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D. Not being in those circumstances, I can't be sure. But I think even my childhood self would get impatient and annoyed by the last 30 minutes of the film. On the other hand, my grownup self quite liked the first 20 minutes or so and is sorry the movie couldn't sustain that tone.

Also, I was disappointed by a shocking lack of Danny Trejo, who is billed high on IMDb for this movie but appears in a single blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment.

Joining the ranks of this summer's excellent slate of reboots, rehashes and reimaginings is Marcus Nispel's movie Conan the Barbarian, a 3D adventure starring Jason Momoa, Stephen Lang, Rachel Nichols, Ron Perlman and Rose McGowan. With a story little resembling that of the 1982 hit that made Arnold Schwarzenegger a household name, the 2011 Conan the Barbarian could best be described as a total reboot. This is not a bad thing, after all -- no sense fixing what was never broken.

The movie begins with a Morgan Freeman Patented Voiceover explaining the backstory about ancient sorcerers, their war with the barbarian tribes and a prophecy about a great warrior born on the field of battle. The first third of the film is therefore an origin story modeled on Robert E. Howard's writings with Ron Perlman as Conan's blacksmith father. Perlman's work here is outstanding, the best acting in the film and perhaps the best of his career.

After the pillaging of Conan's village and the murder of his tribe, Conan the Barbarian jumps 15 years, and Jason Momoa is finally introduced. His is a better image of Conan than Arnold gave us: more catlike, more intelligent and closer to the barbarian described by Howard's original works. The rest of the movie is concerned with his quest to track down and kill the warlord Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang), who murdered Conan's father, as well as the other warriors involved.

Nispel shows off his skills as an action director here with a solid fight sequence in almost every scene. Little time is wasted in exposition or idle conversation. This is, however, unfortunately one of those films that gains nothing from being shot in 3D except for the rich detail of Momoa's bare ass in one brief sex scene. The only place 3D was used to any effect was in the opening titles.

This summer's movies have included a number of remakes, revisits and reimaginings. The latest of these, opening this weekend, are Conan the Barbarian (look for my review this weekend) and Fright Night, Craig Gillespie's take on the 1985 suburban vampire hit. Newcomers will love this horror-comedy set on the outskirts of Las Vegas, and fans of the original should have no complaints.

This remake was in good hands as Gillespie has a short but sweet resume with the Ryan Gosling hit Lars and the Real Girl, Mr. Woodcock, and a number of episodes of United States of Tara. Handling the screenplay was Marti Noxon, who is no stranger to vampires after writing for Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer in addition to a number of other TV series, and she did a fantastic job. Her script echoes the 1985 source but takes surprising and unexpected turns.

Not the least of these is the reimagining of Peter Vincent as portrayed by David Tennant. While Tennant has similar voice and facial features to Roddy McDowall, as well as the energy and British accent, this Peter Vincent is a rock star at the peak of his career as opposed to McDowall’s older foundering TV host. Tennant is reported to have visited Las Vegas to watch Criss Angel, and his performance here is at times an unflattering caricature of the performer, but perfect for the story as written. Tennant fans will find this a treat and a glimpse of what we can expect from him post-Doctor Who.

Anton Yelchin as the teenage hero of the movie, Charley Brewster, is the focus of the story.  Having just "grown up" and traded in his nerdy best friend Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), Charley tries being part of the jock crowd to impress his girlfriend Amy (Imogen Poots). After a few people have gone missing, Ed approaches with wild stories about Charley's new neighbor, and then the action begins. While 1985's Fright Night involved a slower build up, Gillespie's hits hard and doesn't stop, making for a more exciting while only slightly less suspenseful update.

Editor's Note: Apparently Violet Crown Cinema has pushed back the release date of Senna to Friday, August 26. Enjoy the review anyway as a sneak peek of what's ahead!

Please welcome our newest contributor, J.C. De Leon.

If you know me, you know that I love sports. Because of that, I also naturally love sports documentaries. They are the only types of documentaries that (most of the time) aren't pushing an agenda onto you. These documentaries are stories that come from real life, and sports can tell stories in a cinematic way like no other aspect of life can. This is the reason that I'm surprised more movie lovers aren't also sports fans. True, we all need a break from having to watch so many movies, but sports can be an escape that provides cinematic-like tension. That's why we love them, whether we realize it or not.

A great thing about sports documentaries is their ability to take a sport you might not necessarily have any interest in, and tell an amazing story that makes you really care about its subject. Case in point with Senna, directed by Asif Kapadia and a product of ESPN's 30 for 30 series, this documentary tells the legendary tale of a humble Formula One racing icon from Brazil, Ayrton Senna.

If you have any sense of humanity, the movie The Whistleblower will piss you off. It will not piss you off in the sense that it is a bad movie. It will piss you off because The Whistleblower shines a light very brightly on mankind's inhumanity. And by inhumanity, I am talking about sex trafficking and slavery.

Following the breakup of Yugoslavia, a war raged in the region known as Bosnia Herzegovina. What was initially a territorial war eventual became a bitter and horrific conflict between the Serbs and Croats and included numerous atrocities including genocide, ethnic cleansing and the rape of numerous women and children. The Whistleblower is set after the 1995 Dayton accords that ended the conflict.

The Whistleblower stars Rachel Weisz as Kathryn Bolkovak, a female police officer who moves to Bosnia to serve as a UN peacekeeper. When Kathryrn arrives in Bosnia she finds herself enmeshed in a corrupt, testosterone-ruled world. She finds local police officers who neglect their duties, she finds leaders who ignore obvious abuses right under their noses ... Kathryn basically discovers wolves guarding the sheep. The worst thing she finds is rampant sex trafficking and slavery of young girls.

The Irish buddy-cop comedy The Guard, opening Friday at Arbor and Violet Crown, is an interesting study in contrasts between typical American crime films and their European counterparts. Slow paced, quiet and character driven, The Guard has all the hallmarks of box-office disaster for any American movie about cops and their adversaries. There is little action or gunfire until the climax and a scant splatter or two of blood.

What The Guard does have -- which may not be enough to hold the interest of domestic audiences -- is plenty of wit and sparkling chemistry between its stars.

Set in Ireland's rural west -- a rugged, misty landscape where the first language for many is Gaelic -- The Guard explores the unlikely alliance between Irish Sergeant Gerry Boyle (Brendan Gleeson) and American FBI agent Wendell Everett (Don Cheadle), who team up to investigate an international drug smuggling ring linked to the disappearance of one of Boyle's fellow officers. The pair are a classic (actually, completely clichéd) cop movie odd couple, a brash, subversive rule-breaking small-town cop with a fondness for prostitutes paired with a low-key, straight-laced FBI agent.

The movie 30 Minutes or Less (directed by Ruben Fleischer, Zombieland) is the best comedy opening this weekend. That’s not saying much, but maybe it’s enough. I'm of mixed opinion on this one, as nothing about it was particularly bad, but certainly it never rose to any moments of greatness.

The best comedies for me are first and foremost smart, something to which 30 Minutes or Less, like any Danny McBride flick, could never hope to aspire. Failing to be smart, a good comedy could at least hope to be clever and again, that’s out of McBride’s league. If not smart nor clever, some comedies go for silly or outrageous, but this one is watered-down, middle-of-the-road mediocre.

Danny McBride as Dwayne is a complete loser with no redeeming values.  Resentful of his father (Fred Ward) and hoping to inherit his lottery winnings, Dwayne needs a hitman. To pay the hitman, he enlists the help of his best friend Travis (Nick Swardson) to kidnap someone and force them to rob a bank. The victims are unfortunate pizza delivery boy Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) and his best friend Chet (Aziz Ansari). With a bomb strapped to his chest and the threat of a remote detonator if he talks to the police, Nick has just hours to get the money from the bank and to the hitman.

In the late 1980s, Iraq was plagued by an insane tyrant, a monster at the highest level of government. But the evil creature of whom we speak was not the President. Rather, his older son was, Uday Saddam Hussein. Like his father, Uday wanted a body double both for protection and to portray him in unpleasant public appearances. Thus an old schoolmate with an uncanny resemblance was brought to the palace, and that is where the life of Latif Yahia was to effectively come to an end. The Devil's Double, opening in Austin theaters today, is an account of Latif's experiences as he was forced into service of one of the most evil men on Earth.

Alternately charming, sexy and then terrifying, Dominic Cooper delivers the performance of a lifetime as both Uday Hussein and stand-in Latif. His performance of each character is so strong I thought at first I was seeing two different lookalike actors.

Seen from the point of view of Latif, The Devil's Double is more the story of Uday as he sinks deeper into insanity, driven by a schizophrenic worship/hatred for a cold, distant father: a father whom Uday can't himself tell apart from his double. Uday believes in his father as a national hero who has made Iraq into a world power and himself as a prince of a new dynasty with god-like powers over his people. Even as he lives in a palace surrounded by all the luxuries provided by his father, Uday rebels in every way, sinking ever deeper into sexual depravity and drug abuse while the disapproving Latif looks on.

Latif, meanwhile, is forced to participate by threats against his life and that of his family. Surgically altered, with dental overlays and shoe inserts to make him taller, Latif is indistinguishable from the monster Uday. He grows more unhappy and restless as Uday's madness increases. His only companionship lies in secret trysts with Uday's own favorite concubine, Sarrab (Ludivine Sagnier). As Uday begins to demand Latif hurt or kill the objects of his anger, Latif begins to rebel.