Review: Rock of Ages
Tom Cruise proves you can't teach an old dog new tricks -- in this case, singing. Rock of Ages, a $70 million adaptation of the Broadway musical, brings rock to the Glee set. Unfortunately, it includes really bad vocal performances from Cruise, who has turned up the crazy past 11 to Rutger Hauer for his performance as a washed-up glam rocker. As burned-out hair band leader Stacee Jaxx, he twists and gyrates across the screen, thrusting a demon-head codpiece and spouting nonsensical philosophy. It is a character and a performance devoid of any subtlety.
Cruise takes backstage to the real star of the movie, Julianne Hough, last seen starring in Craig Brewer's 2011 remake of Footloose (my review). Here she proves she can not only dance but is also a talented singer, as is costar Diego Boneta. Duets with the two of them work well and showcase their natural chemistry. Their rendition of "More Than Words" was more enjoyable than the original.
Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand are practically in their own movie-within-a-movie, and a film about just their characters would be more interesting than Rock of Ages was.
Mary J. Blige also appears in the film, and her mashup with Hough of "Harden My Heart" and "Shadows of the Night" was one of the most enjoyable numbers, as well as best suited to the action. Another mashup of "We Built This City" and "We're Not Gonna Take It" featuring Brand and Catherine Zeta-Jones doesn't work quite as well. Jones is the antagonist, as the wife of newly-elected mayor Bryan Cranston. Sadly, Cranston is barely used as more than set decoration.
The real problem with Rock of Ages (besides Cruise's singing) is that the movie feels too much like a Broadway musical. The first three scenes follow Hough as random strangers sing at her about personal details of her life, starting with "Sister Christian" sung by fellow bus passengers. Not unusual for stage musicals, but it prompted sniggers from the audience to help clear the cheese fog it left hanging in the room. It is difficult to compare to films like Chicago or Moulin Rouge; they're in a different class. The story is simpler, and the music doesn't gel as well in general.
As mentioned, Rock of Ages is mostly a Glee-ified imagining or nostalgic misremembering of the 80s, exaggerated and mass-marketed. At two hours, it's also a long movie to sit through if you don't love every song. You can sample and purchase the songs here via Amazon. I recommend checking them out before you make the decision to see this film. But beware any with Tom Cruise listed as an artist.