Review (Sort Of): Gentlemen Broncos

I'm one of those people who screw up Netflix's "Movies You'll Love" programming: I can't stand Napoleon Dynamite. It's too sitcom-y, the characters' quirks have no basis in character depth or complexity, and it's just plain annoying. Gentlemen Broncos, the latest comedy from the same writers and director as Napoleon Dynamite -- Jared and Jerusha Hess -- has many of the same problems, and adds a giant dose of gross-out humor to boot.

The story focuses on high-schooler Benjamin (Michael Angarano), who is somewhat out of step with his peers. He wants to be a science-fiction writer like his hero, Dr. Roland Chevalier (Jemaine Clement). Ben's been writing a series of books about Bronco, a warrior hero who seems to resemble Ben's departed dad. His mother (Jennifer Coolidge) tries to encourage him, but has little attention to spare from her work designing and selling nightgowns.

Meanwhile, at a writing workshop, Ben gets entangled with the energetic Tabatha and her filmmaker friend Lonnie, who want to adapt Ben's latest novel Yeast Wars into an ultra-low-budget film. And Dr. Chevalier has gotten his hands on the book, and is hatching some reprehensible plans. At intervals, we see scenes from the book as Ben visualizes them and as Chevalier visualizes them, both with Sam Rockwell playing the lead.

Jemaine Clement is the bright spot in this film as the obnoxiously hilarious Dr. Chevalier. The other supporting characters, however, grated on my nerves and --

No. Sorry, I can't finish this review. I couldn't stand this movie. I found it tedious and irritating, and I spent a lot of time checking my watch. It improved a little near the end, but not much.

I thought I could write a nasty, snarky review -- and I'm not ashamed to admit that those can be a pleasure to write sometimes -- but Gentlemen Broncos isn't even fun to pick on. It's like kicking a three-legged dog. A three-legged, projectile-vomiting, incontinent dog. The movie has opened to a lot of negative reviews already, and Fox Searchlight has already pulled it or delayed it from an expanded release in many cities. However, the movie still opens in Austin today at Alamo Drafthouse on South Lamar.

I suggest you read Manohla Dargis's review of Gentlemen Broncos instead. I'd rather spend my time working on reviews I'd actually like to write, which will subsequently be more fun to read.

Personal and confidential to Jenn and Debbie: I'm sorry I called you [slang for female bits]s because you both refused to review this movie. I guess this cop-out shows that I'm the biggest [slang for female bits] of all. I can review Tyler Perry movies and Adam Sandler movies but I have been defeated by the Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre filmmakers. Go ahead and feed me to the battle stags.